


Tipler Timeline

by TheCohort



Category: Night at the Museum (Movies)
Genre: Hand Jobs, Historical Park AU, M/M, Modern AU, Oral Sex, not pwp but still pretty light on plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-16
Updated: 2015-07-16
Packaged: 2018-04-09 14:22:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4352285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheCohort/pseuds/TheCohort
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The park had been the ambitious brain child of some distant founder who'd heard a brief description of Epcot once and decided to open his own, time machine themed, "educational" amusement park. "Tipler Time-line" amusement park and historical village ("A walk through time!" Their slogan claimed) had been opened sometime in the mid eighties and had remained mostly unchanged since then.</p><p><i>"Well jeez, Octavius, did you think the term history buff was some sort of challenge?"</i>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tipler Timeline

**Author's Note:**

> This is the fic I wrote after several months of writers block when I should have been working on updating things I'd actually started, and then waited to post until after I'd updated my wip so that the poor people following me don't think I'm TOO much of a loser. 
> 
> :3

I

  
The park was a dump, to be honest. It might not have seemed so to most people, the tourists certainly seemed to find the place charming at the least, and kids loved it, but Jedediah knew. Once you'd spent more than a day in the park you started to notice the cracks in the foundation. Figuratively speaking. But also literally.

The park had been the ambitious brain child of some distant founder who'd heard a brief description of Epcot once and decided to open his own, time machine themed, "educational" amusement park. "Tipler Time-line" amusement park and historical village ("A walk through time!" Their slogan claimed) had been opened sometime in the mid eighties and had remained mostly unchanged since then.

It was his first day of training; his chaps didn't fit quite right (they kept riding up into the strangest frontal wedgie situation he'd ever experienced) and he was pretty sure he was older than the majority of his soon-to-be coworkers.

He wasn't sure whether he was relieved or disappointed that he had gotten the job. He needed it, yes, but he'd never done any kind of acting before. Having the name Jedediah and saying "I liked Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid" when asked if he knew anything about cowboys had apparently been enough for the guy who interviewed him.

"For now you'll be responsible for helping out the other actors in your pavilion with anything they might need; demonstrations and upkeep mostly." The guy leading him through the park, Larry something, said. "As far as acting goes all you'll need to be able to do is respond to questions you might get asked in character. Not a big deal, all you really need to do is make sure you don't talk about anything a cowboy wouldn't know about. Cell phones. That kind of thing."

"Can do, boss."

Larry gave him a bemused smile. Probably wasn't used to being called "boss" Jedediah figured, being a security guard and all.

Larry had been tasked with showing him around the park via the main road the visitors used. The pavement sported periodic lines of paint with little date markers, the biggest of which stretched across the path to mark the entrances to individual pavilions. Like a time-line. Whoo boy.

"Once you've got that down they'll give you a semi-permanent station within the pavilion to work on and talk about. I mean, unless you're totally useless at everything."

"Sure know how to make a guy feel confident." Jed snarked while trying to discreetly even out the jeans bunching up between his legs.

"Nah, you'll be fine." Larry shrugged and gestured to his right. "So the pavilions are ordered from most to least recent in a ring around the park. Pretty basic, starts at the westward expansion pavilion, that's you," he added unnecessarily, "and ends at prehistory with the first cave paintings." They were passing the House of Wisdom entrance at what the pavement claimed was 813 ad when he stopped speaking.

Jed was pretty glad he had been hired to work the wild west pavilion. He didn't know much about history, but he'd at least taken American History in high school. The rest of this stuff? Not half a clue.

They walked in silence for a while. Passing markers for such mysteries as "The Hunnic Empire" on the left and "Mayan Civilization" on the right. Eventually they came across the "Roman Empire", and Jed could just see the palm trees of "Ancient Egypt" in the distance, when Larry added, "These are the pavilions that really get the most attention."

Jed gave a huff. "You tryin' to reassure me or offend my cowboy pride?"

Larry's mouth pulled down in a flat frown. "What? No, neither. I'm just saying. This is where a lot of the action is."

They'd now reached Egypt. They had a pyramid. It looked pretty nice too, so long as you didn't look too hard. The thing was practically solid concrete. It sat perched back and above a bunch of stalls and small buildings arranged to look like an outdoor market. Smelled good too. Like spices and fried cakes. They paused, long enough for Larry to wave at some guy dressed in gold, before moving on.

"Who's that?"

"The pharaoh."

Jed nodded slowly. Of course it was.

They passed Mesopotamia without mention and then they were at prehistory. It was the smallest of the attractions, a small man-made cave system (concrete again) that visitors could climb into to explore to find recreations of famous cave paintings. As far as spelunking went it was pretty easy territory; just a series of round open spaces.

With the official tour over Larry led him back to the Wild West pavilion by way of an employee path between the middle portion of the park. Larry handed him off to an older man in a black suit and top hat with a pat on the shoulder and a "Good luck".

Jedediah grinned in greeting. "Alrighty then, this phase two?"

The man's mustache tilted along with his smile. "Name's Robert. I get the dubious honor of being the Mayor around here."

Jed thought he looked like a Mayor. Properly political in his top hat.

"Now. For today you're the lucky bastard who gets to lounge around chewing on a piece of grass, nodding in greeting to visitors and helping out when asked. Basic stuff. What you need to really be doing is watching everyone work and gettin' a handle on the way we run around here."

And that really was about all Jedediah did for the rest of the shift. Training was only six hours, including the hour he'd arrived before they opened the doors. He swept the floors in the saloon twice that day, helped keep the fire going in the cowboy camp on the edge of "town" and spent a good half hour brushing down the two horses they kept on site.

The rest of the week went about the same. Jedediah spent his free time watching old western movies and googling any odd questions he thought of about western culture. It didn't take him long to decide that the park's authenticity had probably faded over time. He figured that was okay. The past sucked.

The page of 1800's western slang he found was especially entertaining, though he doubted he'd be able to remember much of it when he was actually working.

It was... pretty fun actually.

It was going great until he realized just how little he actually knew about the park itself. He was helping lift a kid down from one of the horses when the kid's mom asked, "Do you know where we could get a quick bite to eat?"

"Well ma'am there's lots of places to eat around these parts. In fact, every stop along the road's got a number of bait stops."

"Yes, but what would you recommend?"

Jed rubbed a hand over the back of his neck and gave her a bashful grin. "Ah, dash it, Ma'am. I don't rightly know. Just arrived around these parts a short stop ago." He tried to think of anything else to say. "The markets down around that Pyramid always smell pretty good."

She smiled and nodded her thanks, took her son's hand and wandered back out through the pavilion gate.

Looked like ol' Jedediah had some exploring to do.

 

  
II

 

Jedediah clocked out at two, returned his infernal leather chaps to the locker room by two ten and was finally free to roam the park as he pleased. He passed by Colonial America without much interest, did a quick circuit of the Middle Ages and moved on to the House of Wisdom.

Might as well learn something while he was at it.

He watched with interest as the employees reenacted the translating of scientific texts into Arabic. They sat together, talking as they worked. The architecture in the area was actually quite beautiful, colorfully tiled walls and "streets" led him through small alleys around the pavilion and back to the entrance courtyard. He bought some sort of spiced chicken wrap from a vendor that was pretty good. Too small and overpriced, but he'd expected that.

Jedediah moved on to the Hunnic Empire exhibit; a smaller pavilion that looked like part of some cold mountain village somewhere in Asia. Jedediah wasn't exactly sure where it was meant to be.

The Mayan exhibit might have been the most extravagant yet, with large stone walls and roads, and a good deal of exotic (artificial) plant life and wall murals. He was a bit disappointed to find that the only food available was the run of the mill tex-mex. Suppose it'd be hard to sell actual Mayan food.

He was finally in the Roman exhibit when he spotted someone a bit closer to his age working. It was, in fact, kind of hard to miss the guy. He was dressed in a fairly elaborate roman soldier's get-up, cape and all.

Christ, it looked heavy.

"Hey man," Jed said as he came up behind the guy, "you know where I can get a beer around here?" They had to serve alcohol somewhere other than the saloon.

The roman turned slowly, regarding him with a frown. "What manner of costumery is this?"

Jed gaped. "What?"

The line between the guy's eyebrows was ridiculous. "You look absurd. Why wear such outlandish livery?"

The guy actually looked mad and it took Jed a minute before he remembered: Adult visitors were forbade from dressing in costume. Jed waved a hand. Hopefully in a non-threatening manner. "No, no dude. I'm from the west? I got off at two."

The man's frown, at the very least, seemed to ease at that. Jed swore he saw a brief smile before that too was gone and the roman was giving him a funny look. "And this headgear?" The roman snatched the hat from Jedediah's head and turned it this way and that. "Hardly a sturdy enough material for proper protection."

Jesus, this guy wasn't going to break character. "Oh so that's how ya wanna do it, ya cracked loon?" Jed asked incredulously.

"Oh yes, I think it is." Spoken like that his voice was so much deeper than Jed's and it just made the cowboy angrier.

"Well your garb ain't so useful either. A cape? Don't you know those things get caught in all kinds a' doohickeys? And then you got that little skirt thang."

The man looked indignant. "I'll have you know that this is no cape, it is a cloak. It is a symbol of my position and demands respect." He took a breath and held a pointed finger up to Jed's chest. "And this _skirt_ provides me an extended range of motion."

"Yeah hoss, okay. But what happens when you trip and fall on yer cape and yer skirt goes flyin' up? Hope ye' got somethin' on under there cause I certainly wouldn't want to see that."

The roman rolled his eyes. "Of course I've undergarments. Wearing but one layer into battle would be..." He stopped, finger still pressed to Jed's chest and turned his head regard something beside them.

Jedediah swallowed and followed the roman's gaze. They had drawn a crowd. A small one, but still. At the front a young girl stood gaping while her bother played with something on his phone.

The roman cleared his throat.

The boy with the phone spoke up. "I asked yik yak who would win in a fight, a roman or a cowboy."

Jed wasn't even trying to keep character when he asked, "The hell is yik yak?"

"Everyone seems to agree on the cowboy. 'cus the guns."

"Hah!" Jed cried in triumph. He pointed his finger at the Roman's head, held in a gun pose. "Bam! I just shot you, boy. Give us a proper Roman death scene."

The roman just sighed and crossed his arms. "If inebriation is all you're after you can get wine down this street or something else in the barbarian town down that way. And if it is only this 'beer' you seek, then perhaps you should simply return to your home."

Jedediah huffed and grabbed his hat from the Roman's loose grip. He turned and waved vaguely. "Thanks for the info, Ceasar-o."

"It's Octavius!"

"See ya round', Oc-tay-vus!" Jed called back, exaggeratedly mispronouncing the name just to hear the other man growl in frustration. Which he did.

Jedediah figured he didn't need that beer any more.

He ducked onto one of the employee paths and made for home.

  
-

It wasn't a big deal really, and the whole thing faded from the forefront of his mind pretty quick. Yet, the next time Jedediah found himself wandering the park on his break he just couldn't resist. He passed the Roman exhibit, grabbed one of those fried cakes from the Egyptian market (because really, it was ridiculous that he hadn't tried one yet) and then returned to Rome, snack in hand.

Octavius wasn't around, but neither were many visitors. Jed found a spot to sit beside a fountain of Neptune and got to work eating his lunch. If nothing else, he'd get to enjoy a change of scenery for a half hour before going back to the west.

About halfway through his cake and a game of solitaire a shadow fell over his phone, followed quickly by a pair of metallic boots cutting into his vision.

"Do you enjoy making a spectacle of yourself?"

"Guess that's something we got in common, eh, toga-boy?" He glanced up in time to see Octavius roll his eyes.

"Hardly."

"You show an awful lot of leg for someone who don't want people lookin'."

Octavius looked baffled at that. He shook his head and asked, "What are you doing here?"

It didn't take Jed more than a second to respond, "Don't you know anything, Laredo? I'm the scout. We're lookin' to expand!"

Octavius' blank look just served to encourage Jed. "It's manifest destiny! Your fancy city is in our way and we need to build us a railroad."

There was a look that, just briefly, fell across the other man's face. One that Jed couldn't for the life of him decipher until it had been replaced with the look Octavius had worn the last time they'd argued like this.

Well shit.

Octavius might have actually been trying to have a real conversation with him.

"You cannot truly believe your band of... scoundrels could best the legions of Rome."

But god help him, the bickering was kinda fun. " 'course I do. My boys an' I've got all kinds a tricks you aint never seen."

"Drunken brawling does not count as a military strategy."

"Maybe not to _you_ it don't. You don't know how creative I can get when I'm drunk, hombre."

Octavius rolled his eyes. "Indeed. As you can see I'm trembling at the thought."

Jedediah's phone beeped, the alarm he'd set reminding him that his break was pretty much up. "Don't you worry Octavius, you'll see soon enough. Never know when we might decide we're ready t'take yer men on."

Octavius rolled his eyes and waved Jedediah off. "I wait with bated breath, I assure you."

Jedediah grinned, gave a jaunty wave to the patrons watching them with curiosity and set off for his own territory, vaguely wondering what to argue about next time.

 

III

 

Jedediah's eyes were half closed against the morning sun, tv muted as the morning news played and a spoonful of almost soggy cereal raised to his mouth when he realized what he was looking at. The spoon dropped into his bowl with a clatter as he lunged for the remote, turning the volume on as fast as he could.

"-- _ausing quite a stir at the local theme park. A video of the two actors arguing in character has been posted on YouTube, and I have to say Mark, it's really quite funny._ " The news anchor said to her co-host.

" _Yes it is, Karen. No word yet on whether these occurrences are in fact a publicity stunt to renew interest in the park or not, but they certainly seem to be having that effect._ "

The photo superimposed onto the right corner of the screen was blurry, but it was clearly Jedediah and Octavius.

"Ah, shit."

 

  
IV

 

Jedediah spent the entire morning tense, ready to be called to the boss's office at any moment. He hadn't felt like this since he'd been a kid making trouble in high school. He felt like everyone was looking at him and several of his co-workers in the wild west gave him knowing grins as they arrived for their shifts.

Around noon Robert, in full Mayor regalia, pulled him aside. "Now don't go lookin' so alarmed son, you aint in no trouble."

Jed nodded, but he'd still been pulled aside so...?

"True, McPhee wasn't so happy at first, but I just pulled up the page where it was posted and let him read the comments. Now sure there were a lot of the usual 'get a room' type mentions..."

"The what now?"

Robert just ignored him and continued talking, "But a lot of it was pretty positive stuff. Turns out people liked the idea of seeing different historical figures interact. Anyway, business's been good and people like ya, so it weren't too hard to talk him down."

"That's... Thank you, Mayor. I owe ya one."

He nodded, his top hat tipping forward with the force. "And Jedediah?"

"Yeah, hoss?"

"Maybe ease up on Rome?"

"Ah. Yeah, 'course. Like... today?"

Robert rolled his eyes. "Tomorrow will suffice."

"Whoo! No problemo, amigo."

 

  
Octavius was not looking happy when Jed showed up.

"Hear the news, Octavius? We're somethin' famous."

Next thing he knew the hat was being grabbed from his head and Octavius was slapping him roughly over the temple.

"Hey! What the hell was that for!?"

Octavius voice was low and quiet when he answered. "I realize you may not value your position, but I have worked hard to gain the approval of my superiors and I have no desire to lose rank." He sighed. Rather melodramatically, if you asked Jed. "If you must wander away from your own space don't let it be toward Rome."

And... huh. That wasn't the fun argument Jed had been expecting.

Not even close.

 

  
Jed tried exploring the other exhibits during his breaks but none of them had been as engaging as ancient Rome. No one had really bothered to be anything but polite and friendly with him. Which was just boring, really.

The Mayan civilization had been the worst. It had been the busiest and like swords everyone was armed with a churro.

Jed gave up.

Looked like it was time to retire his exploration and hunker down with the other rancheros.

 

  
V

 

It had been weeks. Their "fame" died down and it was getting more and more difficult for Jedediah to distinguish between one week of work and the next. That was probably normal, but he wasn't happy about it.

They'd finally found a pair of chaps that fit over his jeans properly; no more front wedgies for ol' Jedediah. The buckles rattled loudly in the changing room as Jed hurried to finish dressing. He pulled his hat on, listening to the rattle of metal in the room and frowned. He glanced to his belt. Definitely not him rattling around.

Thing is, Jed was usually the only one in the locker rooms this late in the morning. He liked to live on the edge but most of his co-workers didn't.

He'd turned the corner into the next row of lockers when he saw the curly head of hair perched above a bare back. Jed barely had a moment to think before his mouth got to running ahead of him. "Whoa. Sorry dude, had to check out who else was running late."

He regretted speaking as soon as he saw the muscles in the stranger's shoulders tense. And a moment after Octavius was turning to give him a disapproving frown.

Had anyone asked Jedediah to think about what Octavius might look like under the costume (which they _hadn't_ so he **_didn't_** ), that wouldn't have been it. Octavius was just such a nerd it would never have occurred to Jed that he might actually be fit. They were the same height but Jedediah felt oddly small seeing the other out of his armor. He wasn't huge or anything, But the roman clearly had some sort of workout routine he kept to as opposed to Jed's method of passionately working out for a couple weeks then forgetting about it for several months.

"Well jeez, Octavius, did you think the term history buff was some sort of challenge?"

Octavius looked like he genuinely didn't know what Jedediah was talking about. "Sorry?"

He'd started pulling a tunic on over his head while Jed simply watched and shook his head. "Kinda surprised to see you aint got a roman haircut hidden under that helmet."

Octavius paused. "Ah. Didn't suit me it..." his face scrunched up into a strange grimace, "made my head look too small for my face."

Of course he'd tried it, the big dork. Jed grinned, but let it drop at the look Octavius was giving him, schooling his face back into a reasonable smirk. "So Octavius aint yer real name right? Can't be. Too big a mouthful for nowadays. I mean, sure, I know I heard that name before but it's not a name bein' used now."

"Gaius Octavius. It was the family name of a number of notable roman military men and politicians." He explained, pulling his chest plate on and tightening the buckles at his shoulders.

"And you are...?" Jed prompted.

Octavius put on his helmet. "Late for work."

"Oh come on!"

 

  
Jed felt sort of weird not knowing Octavius' real name. Felt bad calling him "Octavius" or "The Roman" inside his head. He'd only gotten to know a handful of his coworkers. They were nice. But the only people he really felt he'd connected with at all were Octavius (who he'd only ever interacted with through their personas of work) and Larry.

Larry who had been telling him to "come out drinking with some of the guys" for the past minute. He'd been saying something about the cheap drinks and who'd be there.

Jedediah really didn't need much convincing, but he'd let the man give his little speech anyway. Larry seemed like the kind of guy who might prepare and worry about his pitch before hand and really, it was just polite to let him get it all out.

"Plus, the bar's just down the road. Laid back place, it's cool." Larry was saying.

"Alrighty then, boss. Suppose I can spare a bit o' my time for some boozin' and schmoozin'."

"I dunno if schmoozin' is the right word. It's not like I'm inviting McPhee or anything."

"You'd better not. Man makes less sense than a jackalope and that's when he's sober."

Larry gave a huff in agreement. "Yeah well, see you at seven then?"

"Yer darn tootin'."

There was a short pause.

"I think that phrase is a bit much, even for you." Larry said idly.

"Yeah. Kinda regrettin' that one."

Larry patted him on the shoulder and left him to it.

 

  
VI

  
The bar was dimly lit but it didn't take Jed more than a moment to spot Larry and a younger guy seated at a table along the back wall. The bar was pretty small on a whole, a cleared area that just passed as a dance floor beside a barely there stage, elevated seating along the back and the bar and restrooms to the left.

It was nice. And practically empty that early in the night.

Jed waved and ordered a beer. The seats were a hodgepodge assortment of what was likely anything the bar could get a hold of for cheap. Jed stole one of the green wheelie chairs and grinned. "Nice place, boss."

"Well thanks, Jed, I found it all by my self." Larry pointed towards the younger guy beside him.

"This is Alex. He's the pharaoh."

"Nice ta meet you, yer majesty."

"August is in the bathroom." Larry said and Jedediah wasn't sure why.

"That doesn't mean anything to me, but alright." Jed took a sip of his beer and eyed the funny looks Larry and Alex were giving him. "What?" he huffed.

"Really, Larry?"

Jedediah couldn't help but tense at the familiar voice. He tipped his head back to look at the man behind him. "Octavius!"

Octavius' mouth twisted. It looked like he was trying to frown but couldn't quite manage it. "You're Jedediah?"

"'course I'm Jedediah, you knew that." Octavius, or August, Jedediah assumed, just shook his  
head. "Yeah, cause I--"

He interrupted. "Introduced yourself? Like any reasonable person would? No. Don't be ridiculous."

Jedediah opened his mouth, arm raised to add a physical aspect to his point making and- huh. Thinking back on it, no, he probably hadn't introduced himself. There hadn't been time to do so before they were arguing. He took a sip of his beer for lack of anything better to do with his mouth.

Octavius (August, Jed's mind corrected) sighed. "Does anyone else find themselves needing a shot of tequila?"

Alex bit down a smile. "Perhaps if it's just the one?"

"You paying, partner?" Jed asked hopefully.

Octavius (because Jed'd already given up on thinking of him as anything else) sighed. "I suppose. You've got the next round."

And there were many next rounds.

They wee two shots in when Jedediah asked, "So why 'Octavius'?"

"Gaius Octavius." He emphasized.

"Right right. Gaius Octavius."

"Aside from the variety of stories and people I could draw from?" Octavius shrugged. "My Name's August." Jed didn't get it. Octavius raised a haughty eyebrow and smirked. "And the emperor Gaius Octavius was later known as Augustus?"

"Oh yeah, totally knew that." Jed assured with a wave of his hand. He paused in thought. "You really decided you were the emperor of Rome? Seriously? Kinda full of yourself aint ya, Kemosabe."

Octavius shook his head and frowned. "What is that?"

"What?"

"Kemosabe."

"Lone Ranger dude. It's a... you know." Jed didn't want to say 'term of endearment' but, "...word for friend. Compadre, comrade, Amigo, partner. Y'know."

"Were knowledge of western film and media your only credentials for the job?"

"And my winning personality."

Octavius groaned at that. "Of course."

That was decided, by all around agreement, to be the last round of shots, but Alex offered to buy a round of beers and that didn't seem too reckless at the time, so everyone agreed. Jed reached the bottom of that bottle as Octavius began fiddling with his phone. A moment later he'd leaned over the Roman's shoulder to watch a video of cats jumping into boxes.

Octavius had gotten another drink from somewhere, smelled like whiskey, and the cats were now running in circles after the red light of a laser pointer.

"Hey. Guys?" Larry interrupted as one of the cats performed a truly remarkable back-flip in its effort to catch nothing, "We're gonna head out." He frowned when they both finally turned to regard him. "Uh... are you guys gonna be alright to get home?"

"Yeah, we'll be grand. My place is only two skips down to the east."

Larry's face fell into a baffled frown, eyes flitting between Jedediah and Octavius.

Octavius huffed. "What Jedediah means to say is that he lives only two blocks away." Octavius always spoke with careful dictation, but the way he was doing it then was slow and deliberate, making it even more apparent that he was drunk.

"You don't." Larry pointed out.

"No."

"You can't drive home."

"Of course not, Larry. I'm not so foolish."

Larry didn't say anything. He stood with eyebrows raised as Octavius proceeded to press play on the next video. Larry shrugged and gave them a wave. "Alright. I'll see you guys tomorrow. Make sure you let me know how the rest of the party goes."

"See ya, Larry!" Jed gave a shout and a wave without bothering to look away from the small phone Octavius was holding.

"Did he seem odd to you?" Octavius mused.

"Nah." Jed gave a shrug. "He's always like that. Huffier than an eager rooster."

"Excuse me?"

"Man, I dunno."

They didn't stay much longer than that, stumbling out the door around one o'clock and heading down the street.

It took longer than it should have to reach the front door to Jedediah's apartment complex, but only because Octavius kept stopping to remind him of one of the videos they had watched. Or to rehash old arguments. They were leaning against one another while Jedediah attempted to get the door open when Octavius groaned. "This isn't where I live." He muttered.

"Nope. Uh. Where do you live?"

Octavius pointed back towards the bar. "The suburbs."

"Wow. That's... not even sorta close. You can have the couch."

"The couch?" Octavius scoffed as Jed lead him toward the stairwell. "That is no way to treat a guest, my friend. Though I suppose a mere cowboy wouldn't know anything about proper hospitality."

"Is that so?" Jedediah huffed as they turned the corner and started up the next flight of stairs, both still supporting one another, arms wrapped around shoulders and feet unsteady. "B'cause, seems to me I'm being more than generous enough letting you crash at my place."

Jed started to fumble around in his pockets looking for his key as his apartment door came into view.

Octavius hummed. "We should just share the bed."

Jedediah's key scraped across the doorknob where he missed the keyhole in surprise. "Whoa. Hold yer horses there. We aint doing that. My cot's not made for two riders."

"You've a cot? Really?"

Jedediah cleared his throat. "No it's a... not a queen but not the super small one?"

"A full." Octavius said with a slow nod, as if the technical titles of mattresses was of great importance.

"Exactly. There's no room for your fat ass in there with me."

There was a quiet moment as Jedediah managed to get the door unlocked and slid his hand along the wall in search of the light switch. The darkness fled and Octavius mused, "I could give you a blow job and then sneak in once you'd passed out."

Jed spluttered and gaped, "You could WHAT?!"

"Hmm?"

"You just... you said you could give me a blow-job!"

"Did I?" Octavius raised an eyebrow in contemplation. He frowned and licked his lips. "I could you know."

"God damn it August ya can't just spring that on a guy! I mean jeez I need a little warning!" Jedediah ran his hands over his face and through his hair in an attempt to clear his head. He must've been drunker than he'd thought, because the suggestion wasn't actually as unpleasant as it should have been.

"I'm drunk. You can't expect me to maintain my brain to mouth filter."

Jed groaned. "For Pete's sake, we don't even like each other. Not like, properly. I like you _because_ I dislike you."

"That doesn't make any sense, Jedediah." He hummed. "I think you mean the opposite. You actually like me, and you dislike that. Which is really such a cliche."

Jedediah rolled his eyes and pushed Octavius further into the apartment. "Shaddup."

He kept pushing, steering Octavius around the kitchen and toward a pair of open doorways. "Where are we going?" Octavius asked.

Jedediah sighed and mumbled, "The bedroom." That seemed to be Octavius' cue to stop cooperating with Jed, feet ceasing their forward motion and shoulders pressing unyieldingly into Jedediah's Palms. "What? It was your ide--"

Octavius whipped around beneath his hands and pushed forward, firm lips interrupted the beginnings of his tirade as warm hands rose to run through his already messy hair.

And it was nice, really, but Jedediah had still expected another four feet of walking to shore up his nerves. Octavius' lips were softer than expected, and his blunt nails felt amazing as they slid over his scalp and Jedediah, to his complete horror, was frozen.

Octavius pulled away to regard Jedediah with a stern expression. "You have been with a man before, haven't you?"

That did the trick. Jed huffed and relaxed. "Yeah, when I was like, frat-boy drunk."

"Are you frat-boy drunk now?"

"No. Not quite." Octavius eyed him warily at that and Jed rolled his eyes. He took a deep breath. Now or never.

Slowly, cautiously, Jedediah leaned forward and pressed his mouth to Octavius'. Barely remembered drunken encounters might not have been the best experience to draw on, but he at least knew what to do next. Jedediah pushed forward; his hands dropped to Octavius' waist, warm beneath his red t-shirt, and moved them through the doorway to his room.

Octavius gave a satisfied groan of approval, the sound buzzing over Jed's lips as he fumbled for the bedroom light, suddenly grateful for the single lamp he'd bothered to plug into his room. There was a hot hand sliding up beneath his shirt as he pushed Octavius back against the edge of the bed. Octavius' hands were lightly calloused, probably from the sword drills he performed at the park, and the roughness made Jedediah's stomach clench with heat. He wasn't ticklish, per se, but it felt similar.

Octavius pushed the shirt up and over Jed's chest, letting it rest bunched up where his hands had stopped on Jedediah's ribs.

Jed looked away, just for a moment to pull his shirt off, and had his gaze drawn back by the feel of hot breath and lips against his sternum. Jed gave a shaky "huh" at the sensation. Octavius bit slowly down the line of his abdomen, something Jedediah couldn't recall anyone doing to him before. It made his skin itch and it was pretty damn great, except… "Wait wait. Don't do that."

Octavius pulled back a bit, removing his tongue from Jed's navel. "Sorry, m' drunk."

Jed huffed. "Now c'mon, you can't just say that every time you do something weird. It's not some kind of all-purpose excuse for the crazy shit yer into." He was trying to make a point, but the moan he tacked onto the end probably lessened the effect.

Octavius bit at the soft skin just above the waistband of his jeans, making Jed's breath hitch as the hands on his ribs slid down his sides to pick at the button of his pants.

Jed wasn't sure exactly what to do with his own hands, letting them come to rest on Octavius' shoulders when he could think of nothing better. Granted, he could put them in the other man's hair, which did look quite soft, but it seemed rude and he didn't want to have to ask.

Octavius was really…not shy. Jed supposed if he asked the other man would claim it was because he was drunk. That would also probably be the excuse given for why it took him so long to figure out the double buttons and zip on his jeans.

Octavius got it though, and it was barely a moment's work before he was shoving Jed's jeans and boxers down to his knees. Jed gave a breathy hiss of surprise as the cold air hit his skin. Octavius barely hesitated before leaning forward and sucking half of Jedediah's length into his mouth and Jed was gasping, "Ho-oly horses!"

Octavius stopped. "Hold my horses?" He mumbled against Jed's thigh.

"No! No- oooh." Jed cleared his throat as Octavius continued. "Full speed ahead, please." Jedediah had determined that that would be the last of his talking when Octavius hummed in agreement, mouth still wrapped around the stiff erection and Jed couldn't help but mutter, "Ah, fuck." His knees moved forward to press against the edge of the bed where Octavius was seated and Octavius moved his hands to Jed's waist to help ensure he stayed upright.

Jedediah decided to throw caution to the wind and let his fingers sink into the dark curls bobbing in front of him. Jed was pretty sure Octavius liked it, since the hands at his waist were tightening, fingers kneading at the swell of his ass on either side.

Octavius gave a hard suck that had Jed's legs shaking dangerously and then pulled away. "You're not sober enough for this... standing. Get on the bed."

" _We're_ not sober enough." Jedediah corrected. He huffed and kicked off his pants from where they had puddled around his ankles. "You gonna get undressed, partner?"

He watched curiously as Octavius nodded and pulled his t-shirt off, standing to start on his trousers which he let fall to the ground. Jedediah pulled him into a kiss the moment the Roman's knees landed on the bed. It wasn't really a sweet kiss, more reminiscent of their arguments than anything else, playful and a bit over-the-top. When Octavius pushed Jed away so he could return his attention to Jed's lap Jed was sure his lips were as red and swollen as Octavius'.

Jed flopped back against the mattress. It felt like he was floating; his limbs all felt heavy and the throbbing heat of Octavius mouth around his dick made every other part of his body seem far away and unimportant.

Octavius' pointed tongue slipping around the ridge of the head and over the tip was really all it took to push Jed over that edge. He grabbed a handful of that dark hair he was starting to like so much and gave a warning pull.

Octavius moved but didn't go far, biting at the inside of Jed's thigh and licking over Jed's balls as they tightened and pulsed.

"Fuck, Octavius." Jedediah groaned. As an after thought he added, "August. Whatever."

Octavius' laugh sent a gust of breath over the cooling mess of Jed's lap.

"That passing out plan's soundin' pretty good." Jed mumbled.

"Don't you dare." Octavius growled.

Jedediah grinned and waved both hands upward. "Then git up here. I aint moving any time soon."

Octavius crawled up the bed, flopped down beside Jedediah and rolled over to kiss his jaw. Jed grinned, rolled to face the other man and pulled him into an actual kiss. All slow and proper like. He pressed his hand against Octavius' hip, gave a squeeze and slid his hand down to wrap around his neglected erection. Octavius groaned into the kiss, lips pressing to teeth when Jed gave a triumphant grin.

Jed gave a couple of experimental strokes, rolling his thumb over the head and tugging at the base a bit. It wasn't too different from jerking himself off, and Octavius seemed to like it. A dribble of pre-cum slipped over his knuckles and down into the curls at Octavius' groin. Jed watched it's path, fascinated.

Jed sped up his strokes, the short thrusts Octavius was giving making it clear he wouldn't need much longer. Jed pressed the pad of his thumb just beneath the head and slid it through another gathered drop of liquid beading from the slit, and that was it. Octavius gave a hitched breath, Jed repeated the motion, and Octavius was curling towards Jed with a moan, cock leaping in Jed's fist.

Octavius sighed and slumped into the pillow beneath his head.

Jed rolled over to grab a dirty shirt from the floor, better than nothing, and wiped them off. He probably could have done a better job, but sleep was sounding too damn good to put off any longer. He nudged Octavius off of the comforter and pulled the blankets over the both of them.

There were barely two inches between the two of them, sharing the one pillow Jed had bothered to keep in his room, and Octavius' eyes were already shut.

Jedediah watched the other man's eyes moving beneath his eyelids. But hardly a moment later he too was asleep.

 

  
VII

 

Jed had a nasty headache when he woke up. Not bad enough to call off work, and certainly not bad enough to indicate he might have been drunk enough last night to have simply imagined sleeping with Octavius, but the other man was nowhere to be found; not in Jedediah's apartment, anyway.

Jed ran his right hand over the empty space on the bed in confusion, stomach swooping with disappointment. It didn't help the hungover knot of tension in his stomach.

Jedediah hadn't even considered Octavius a friend before last night and now he was pouting into his bowl of cereal because of the guy.

Jedediah downed the last of his coffee with an Advil and stood to get ready for work. Because really, it'd be fine. If Octavius wasn't interested in morning afters then neither was Jed. They'd barely talked the last couple weeks so it'd be fine.

He just…wouldn't go wandering around the ancient Rome pavilion for a while.

-

Jedediah'd been put on campfire duty. On any other day he'd be pleased as punch about it, working the campfire meant telling stories and making snacks; But not today. His head was still throbbing dully where it met his neck and spine, and he barely wanted to talk let alone cook and perform. And the thing he wanted most was the trickiest thing to make but damn it, those kids were staring at him with glazed eyes and Jedediah wanted, no _needed_ , more coffee.

Caffeine would make it all better.

The coffee pot was already on the fire, water and coffee grounds boiling away as he talked.

"Now I don't expect any a ya to be big coffee drinkers, but I gotta say there's nothin' like a hot cup of it on cold mornings."

"It's almost 80 degrees out." One of the kids supplied helpfully.

"Yeah, it sure is." Jed nodded slowly, "but it's also pretty good all the time." Damned kids. "Anyway. Thing is we aint got none of that fancy coffee out here. Don't even have a way to filter the ground up beans. So we put it right in there."

Jed eyed the coffee pot. Had it been boiling long enough? Probably better to be weak than burnt.

Jed fished the pot out of the fire with the stick they'd been using to prod logs hooked though the chain serving as the top handle. "Now this here's the part where it gets tricky." He said, looping a long piece of rope through the chain and grabbing both ends in his right fist. "Now remember, this is _boiling hot coffee_." He emphasized.

If this didn't impress the kids nothing would.

Jedediah carefully swung the pot of coffee, back and forth, until the pot was moving high enough to add just a bit more speed, and then he had the coffee swinging in full circles at his side. At least the kids eyes weren't glazed over anymore.

"The force o' the motion pushes the coffee grounds towards the bottom so that you don't get grains in yer cup when you pour it." He explained. He carefully slowed his swinging and brought it back down from full circles. "Yeeh- haw!" He shouted in victory when he was no longer at risk of burning himself.

The kids weren't looking at him anymore and Jedediah heard a voice ask, "Must you shout?"

Jed felt his stomach jump into his throat and then plummet back into its rightful place with a flutter.

Jed whipped around. "Course I gotta shout." Jed said, giving Octavius a hesitant grin. "That's what makes it cowboy coffee instead of 'sad, kinda bad' coffee."

Octavius frowned in distaste, nose scrunching up in a way that Jed could admit was pretty darned adorable, before sighing. "Don't suppose I could have some of that 'sad, kinda bad' coffee?"

" _Cowboy coffee_." Jed corrected. He pulled out a couple of tin coffee mugs from the pack laid beside the fire and filled them both with the bitter stuff. He added a healthy (or not so healthy, as modern science would argue) dose of sugar to each cup and handed one off to Octavius.

Octavius took a sip and winced at the flavor before nodding his head and taking a seat on the log beside Jedediah.

The kids were still staring, but didn't seem to find anything _too_ strange about a roman and a cowboy drinking coffee together.

Jed kept a running commentary as he went. Explaining that sugar was a big part of the cowboy coffee experience, since many of the ad-libbed coffee preparations that cowboys were known to use didn't lend to creating the best tasting coffee. Sugar had been kinda necessary.

Eventually his speech slowed down. The kids were clearly getting bored and Jedediah was just about run out of material to talk about. He waved them off. Gave them a shooing gesture and said "Now git' on back to yer mothers."

Jedediah glanced toward where Octavius was still seated, eyes closed and coffee tin held to his mouth. He was smelling the coffee more than he was drinking it.

"Hungover?" Jed asked.

Octavius scoffed. "Don't be preposterous. Whatever would give you that impression?"

Jedediah grinned. "Well I'm hungover. And there aint no way you can hold yer liquor better'n I can."

"I would take that as a challenge if the thought of drinking didn't have my body protesting with regret."

"Mmm hmm." Jed nodded and took a sip of his own coffee. It really was pretty awful. He took another sip and hunched forward to place his elbows on his knees.

They sat in silent suffering together, watching loud families come and go, children talking excitedly and parents eying the two mismatched men sitting by the campfire with confusion.

"I wanted to apologize." Octavius finally said.

"Hmmm?"

"For leaving this morning. I..." He sighed. "I'm not sure what happened last night."

Jedediah felt alarmed at that. "You didn't drink _that_ much."

"No, no. I meant only that I don't know what came over me."

Jedediah grinned and watched Octavius take a nervous swig of coffee. "Well, who could blame ye? It's only natural when presented with a figure such as me that you might have troubles controlling yerself."

Octavius gave him a shove and muttered something that sounded suspiciously close to "fuck off".

Jedediah hissed and sucked the hot coffee off of his fingers. He gave Octavius an angry glare.

"Sorry." Octavius muttered.

Jedediah hummed. "Y'know. Seems to me we got along well enough last night." He scratched his nose faintly as he cautiously offered, "We could always do it again sometime."

Octavius didn't say anything. He leaned back, watching something going on over Jedediah's shoulders. Ignoring him apparently.

Jedediah huffed and turned to see what could possibly be so interesting. The only thing Jedediah could see was a pair of teenagers turning the corner away from them. The moment they were out of sight Jed's head was being turned by a firm hand on his jaw.

Jed started to say something, he wasn't entirely sure what, but he'd only managed "oh" before Octavius was giving him a reassuringly fierce kiss. Jed gave a surprised huff through his nose and pressed forward.

The kissing was better sober. Coffee breath wasn't great but it was still better than beer breath and Jedediah could now confirm that Octavius was a biter, nibbling on his lips in a way that made Jed wonder if there was anywhere more discreet they could hide. Just for like, a quick minute. Or fifteen.

His attention was split between focusing on what he was doing with his mouth and on trying to remember if there were any locks on the small rooms above the saloon.

He'd just decided that the equipment shed hidden back into the tree-line might be a better spot when Octavius pushed him away. Octavius had his hand pressed to his chest and a twisted frown on his face. "I think I'm too sick for kissing." he admitted.

"Says the guy who's not hungover."

"I'm not." Octavius emphasized. "I merely forgot to eat breakfast."

"Mmhmm." Jed eyed the other man. Octavius was now pointedly looking at the fire, as if his cheeks weren't still red from their kissing moments before. "Y'know. I make a pretty mean flapjack."

Octavius frowned. "Are you trying to offer me breakfast?"

"Sure. Redeemable any time." He grinned. "Y'know. Now. Or tomorrow morning."

Octavius huffed. "You know, I don't think I could stomach your exotic cowboy cuisine just now. I can only hope this "flap jack' will prove more palatable than this coffee."

Jedediah tapped his nose and gave a wink. "Can't be worse."

Octavius hummed. "Indeed."

Jed laughed and nudged the other man with his shoulder. "Tomorrow morning it is."

 

**Author's Note:**

> In case anyone's interested, here's the timeline I was imagining the park setup for:
> 
> Westward expansion 1800s ad  
> Colonial America 1600s ad  
> European Middle Ages 1300s ad  
> House of Wisdom / Islamic Golden Age 813 ad  
> Hunnic Empire 443 ad  
> Mayan Classical Period 250 ad  
> Roman 27 bc  
> Ancient Egypt 2000s bc  
> Mesopotamia 3100 bc  
> Prehistory 30,000ish bc
> 
> I have a [tumblr](http://codenamedcohort.tumblr.com/) where I occasionally post things. I made a playlist once.


End file.
